"Hello I am Howard"
Season 3, Episode 21
Air Date: May 13, 2015
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Lucas McCrary and Pi share a secret, Higgins and Sicarian meet the blue people of Thoe, and the crew meet a new friend named Howard

Short Summary Edit


Detailed Summary Edit

The date is September 15, 3200. Previously on Swan Song, the crew had made a deal with Highbeam Fleet Captain Saito where they received Lord Lucas McCrary with the promise of eventually smuggling a package off Thoe. The crew’s plan is to first deliver Lucas to the Madari Syndicate, and then send his ex-wife the remains.

Foreshadowing of Things to ComeEdit

It takes 24 days for the Swan Song to travel from Sigrid in the Laodice System to Thoe in the Protagoras System. During the flight time, Piani Pic works on making Pi a body so that they're able to leave the ship with the crew. Mr. Sicarian's been more cheerful than usual whilst carrying Mjolnir everywhere, even keeping it next to him while he sleeps. Lucas McCrary has been detained in the cargo bay and Wilbur Higgins III has been the one bringing him food. Higgins has been feeling guilty because he had saved Lucas from being tortured by one person, only to bring him to someone else who is likely to do the same. Higgins has slowly been changing. For the past month he and Connor Wu haven’t gotten into a single fight. Even more shockingly, Higgins hasn’t been drinking as much as he normally does.

One day, Higgins is in his room editing together a video when Pi asks him what he is doing. Higgins tells them that he's thinking about the future. That he's putting together a video for people to look at. Pi then tells Higgins that they may have to leave the ship. Higgins simply says that if they gotta go then they gotta go.

The Improvised Exploratory DeviceEdit

It is now October 10, 3200. The Swan Song arrives in the Protagoris System and immediately upon entering, an encrypted audio broadcast gets picked up on the ship's scanners. Piani cracks the encryption and the message reads, “(Rajani) Van Dorne sent us. We’ve been sitting here in this sector waiting for you. Would be great if you get back to us when you show up.” Higgins gets in contact with the ship and both parties agree to meet by a nearby Exchange station.

When a ship by the name of ‘The Improvised Exploratory Device’ comes into view, Connor Wu leans over to Higgins and says, “That ship is an even bigger piece of shit than this one.” Higgins agrees and asks Wu what he would think if Higgins bought it. Wu laughs and tells Higgins that he doesn’t pay him enough to make that ship look good.

Following some minor scrapes and bumps, the two ships dock with one another. Soon after, two grungy-looking men meet with Higgins and Mr. Sicarian where the ships connect. The two men tell Higgins that they have his money and Higgins asks for them to hold tight with Mr. Sicarian while he goes and gets Lucas.

Through fast-paced breaths, Lucas begs for Higgins’ mercy, telling him that he can give him whatever he wants. Higgins says that if he can transfer 1.2 million credits into his bank account without delay, that only then he will spare his life. Lucas tells Higgins that he will do that so long as he can get to a terminal. Prosper Trudeau then escorts Lucas to the bridge while Higgins walks back to the grungy men to stall for time.

Piani intercepts Higgins and tells him that letting Lucas do what he wants isn't a good idea. Persuaded by Piani’s words, Higgins heads to the bridge to get Lucas, but when he goes to open the doors, he finds that they are locked.

Inside, Prosper has jumped onto Lucas’ back, pinning him down. Having something else in mind, Pi instructs Prosper to get off of Lucas. Prosper listens to Pi and Lucas then gets up, sits in a chair, and asks Pi if things are ready. Pi says yes, and then Lucas grabs a nearby cable and plugs it into his head. An overhead progress bar then begins to fill up. Prosper asks Pi what they are doing and Pi says that they will worry about it later. Prosper lets the bar fill up to 100% and after it does, Pi instructs Prosper to take out the cable and to make something up to the rest of the crew. Prosper takes the cable out, Lucas passes out, and then the doors to the bridge open up.

The rest of the crew walks into the bridge. Higgins asks Prosper what is going on and Prosper responds by saying that Lucas had plugged himself into the system in order to transfer credits, but that he ended up uploading a virus instead and so that’s why the doors to the bridge were locked. Mr. Sicarian asks to see the video feed of what happened. [Pi shows an un-edited video (with no audio) that has no evidence of anything happening outside of what Prosper had mentioned] Content for now, Mr. Sicarian and Higgins hand over unconscious Lucas to the two grungy men. They transfer over the promised 200,000 credits to Higgins (50,000 gets distributed to each crew member), undock from the Swan Song, and leave. Later in a private conversation with Pi, Prosper says that they should stop hiding things from each other and that he is doing everything he can to try and let Pi grow up to be what they want to be. Pi tells Prosper that they previously acted independently from the crew because they didn’t trust the crew. Prosper later sends a message to Elana Durant thanking her for her previous services and asking her if she has any knowledge on L’enfantome.


The first thing that the crew notices when arriving at Thoe is that the dock is heavily defended with SAM turrets. As the crew discusses who is going to stay at the ship and who is going to leave to pick up the package, there is a knock on the ship’s cargo bay entrance. Higgins goes to see who it is and there to meet him are two Wah. To Higgins, the guests look to have a blue tint to their skin and both have an indiscernible gender. They tell Higgins that they are there to inspect the ship and its crew to make sure that they won’t be a danger to Thoe or its inhabitants. As the Wah inspect the inside of the ship, Higgins asks what they consider themselves to be. They tell him that they are humans, but with some advancements. They are able to live longer, eat different food, etc. Higgins introduces Piani as his wife and Connor Wu as their child. He introduces Prosper as himself and when he introduces Mr. Sicarian as the cook, they question as to why he is heavily armored. Mr. Sicarian replies, “Well, one can never be too careful in the kitchen.” After the inspection is done, the Wah tell the crew that they are able to get visas that last one week for 1000 credits each (five are bought), and then they leave the ship.

Mr. Sicarian and Higgins decide to go to the pickup location in tandem while Piani and Prosper remain at the Swan Song. Mr. Sicarian and Higgins first go through processing where they learn that the planet only allows for TL4 weapons and below. Mr. Sicarian convinces the officers for him to keep his monoblade, and Higgins takes his stun baton. Afterwards, the two pass through bio-scanning. After Mr. Sicarian gets scanned, a gentleman comes out and says that they detected an anomaly in his brain. Mr. Sicarian tells the man what he presumes to be the truth, that the anomaly is due to a condition that he has where he is able to vomit black tendrils of fear into his enemies and that he hasn’t been able to find anyone that can help him with it. The gentleman simply tells Mr. Sicarian that the anomaly doesn’t appear to be immediately dangerous, but that it may become so in the future if he doesn’t get it checked out.

After going through bio-scans and processing, Mr. Sicarian and Higgins take a three hour rail transit in order to meet with a “cultural liaison” in Enlightenment City. During the rail ride, they pass by many solar-panel farms as well as buildings that have the Richardson Scientific logo displayed on the side of them. Sifting through magazines and advertisements, they learn that the people on Thoe are all grown asexually. They finally arrive at the city just as the sun is setting which casts a beautiful white and silver tint on everything. As they dismount from the railcar, Higgins gets a text on his commpad that reads, “Glad to see you made it. Cafe Luna. 2 hours. Xion Square. –Dr. Graves”

Hello, I am HowardEdit

Walking over to a vehicle, Graves tell Higgins and Mr. Sicarian that they will have to be discreet. During their meeting, Higgins learned that they will be smuggling out a laboratory specimen. After being handed the keys, Higgins unlocks the trunk of the vehicle and inside is a large Plexiglass aquarium. Attached to it is a voice terminal and generator and hiding behind one of the rocks is what looks to be an octopus. Its body is roughly the size of a bowling ball and it is orange in color. Seeing the voice terminal, Higgins asks Graves if the octopus speaks. An ominous, “I do” comes out of the box and Mr. Sicarian slowly turns his head towards the octopus. In the background you can hear Higgins yell, “Son of a bitch!”

Mr. Sicarian: My name is Mr. Sicarian how are you?

Howard: Hello Mr. Sicarian, I’m Howard. I am an octopus.

Mr. Sicarian: Howard, what’s your last name?

Howard: I don’t have a last name, I’m an octopus.

Mr. Sicarian: What’s your favorite food Howard?

Higgins: Sicarian, stop talking to the fucking octopus!

Mr. Sicarian: It’s a fucking talking octopus!

The conversation continues like this for a little while. Howard the octopus does not seem super intelligent, but intelligent enough to hold a conversation. Higgins shows some distaste for the octopus whereas Mr. Sicarian seems to like ‘him’. The last scene is of Higgins throwing a Thoe’n comic book onto the dashboard of the vehicle as Mr. Sicarian drives off into the sunset.

Status Report Edit

Crew StatusEdit

  • Casualties:

Ship StatusEdit

  • Hull Integrity:

Criminal ActivitiesEdit

  • New Crime:


  • Credits Acquired:
  • Credits Spent:
  • Jobs In Progress:
  • Jobs Completed:
  • Debt Paid Off On Swan Song:
  • Current Debt On Swan Song:

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